Relationships at any age are hard. The reason is we all have complicated personalities made up of political bent, experiences, personal needs, wins and losses, people we have known as friends and intimately, education, emotions, children, jobs and careers, and overall influences we take in as our personality.
As we get older, these items count more and more in our ability to get along with each other. Men and women are different, often influenced with children and failures with husbands and lovers along the way. Men suffer as well with failed relationships, stubbornness, and communications that don’t measure up to the female who often demands so much detail that a man’s head explodes. Men are not good at details….they work on the “Big” picture. This is boring to most women because they want instant results, and men are always looking at the “Big Picture” whatever that means. This transmits “Lazy” to many women, and conflict is often the end result.
I was married 30 years to a woman who had a wonderful philosophy which she presented to me on our first date. It read: “I am not here to meet your expectations, and you are not here to meet mine. If we get together, it can be beautiful!” This was an insight that most of us could not comprehend. It was basically the glue that held us together for 30 years.
In business, I was a consultant and specialized with partnerships. I found some really interesting results. Some partnerships had a dominate partner who demanded to set all the rules, and every partner bought in and supported or they were out. Some partnerships can be cruel because they bring in weak partners and then entice them with a rainbow at the end of the game which may never come. Other and successful partnerships have one thing in common. Respect for all views and communication that works toward a common good that is fully defined by the Senior Partner. If the end result is not defined, then only confusion reigns and failure is certain. The successful Senior Partner always had one trait which was respect for the experience and knowledge of the other partners. This philosophy works in personal partnerships as well. When respect drops then the partnership is over, it is just a matter of time.
The one thing that is sure is that we all have our set of priorities and if we comprise these, the partnership is usually doomed, it is just a matter of time. I developed a scoring system years ago in hiring close relationships in my companies. I decided that the movie 10 was a great model, and therefore I created a “Ten Scale” in five areas that were important to me. The five areas were: Education, sophistication, experience, emotions, and communication. Placing my understanding of these five areas, I assigned them a 10….which was my level in these areas. I then placed all others on my scale, and therefore created a profile of the other person. For instance; a college professor in Nuclear Science would be on my scale a 15 or 20 which would mean we could probably not communicate well in that subject. My reaction would be to admit that his education and experience in this subject was way above my ability to communicate. He then has the option to come down to my level, a level he was at one time, which is appropriate, or stay at his level, and our communication is doomed. I had the same option with someone that was lower than me in s subject, and therefore I needed to drop down to their level of understanding to properly communicate.
I have found over the years that most highly intelligence people have the ability to take their subject down to primer levels so they can explain extremely complicated subjects to a low level of understanding to communicate their passion in a simple process.
As to men and women partnerships, this is much more complicated. Emotions enter into the mix, and all too often turn to an emotional struggle for control. As the emotions charge up, the practical and common sense is often lost, and can eventually destroy the partnership. As I have seen this and also experienced it in my own life, I am saddened and have little success in resolving these conflicts at this level.
The bottom line is that we all wish to have a compatible relationship in our personal and business lives. I hope you are one of the lucky ones.
Have a great day, and be kind to yourself!